Dangerous Tea
by Kansou Tenrin no Yoroi
Summary: One day, Rachel is bored and decides to try a new tea..    Rated T for, well, Ragna? I guess? My first fanfic, go easy on me.


**_* Hey there, guys. Kansou here. This is my very first fanfic. After many years of just reading them, I've finally decided to write one of my own. This fanfic was a result of a idea that was stuck in my head and refused to go away until I finally decided to go with it._**

_ Well, I believe that's enough of an introduction for now.. So just sit back and enjoy the fanfic._

It was a cool, quiet night, the moon was hanging lazily in the sky and a gentle breeze was passing. In the garden of her magnificent castle, sat Rachel Alucard, enjoying her premium Darjeeling Tea. Accompanying her were her butler, Valkenhayn R. Hellsing and her two pets, Gii and Nago. Rachel took a graceful sip from her cup, looked up at the moon, then set it down.

"Is there something wrong, Madam?"

"Valkenhayn, I am very bored. Lately, watching that insect Ragna has lost its appeal and I wish not, to meddle with the affairs of his second-rate companions. Find something to entertain me."

Valkenhayn's eyebrows immediately shot up.

"_The Mistress,considered stalking Ragna... boring? This must be quite serious.. But how am I supposed to find something entertaining in such a short amount of time? Knowing the Mistress' personality, she wouldn't accept anything but the finest of performances. Oh dear..."_

It was at this moment, that Gii spoke up, effectively saving Valkenhayn from his dilemma.

"Princess, remember the teas you found at those ruins? How about trying them?"

"Oh yes, those. I have to admit, I am curious about their taste, seeing as how I took so long searching for them, my expectations are rather high. Valkenhayn, would you be so kind as to prepare a cup of that tea for me?"

"As you wish, Madam." Valkenhayn replied and promptly walked back to the kitchen, relieved that he had been saved.

A few minutes later, Valkenhayn returned with the tea.

"My goodness, Valkenhayn, the tea smells delightful. I dare say it might actually satisfy my boredom. Hurry, I want to taste it now."

Valkenhayn complied and as Rachel took the first sip of tea, the three servants observed curiously. Slowly, Rachel's face broke into a little smile.

"This is simply fantastic! I do not believe I had tea this fine in many years now. This is.."

Before she could finish her sentence, Rachel collapsed. And as if Fate had willed it, Ragna along with, Litchi, Noel and Jin, walked right into her Castle.

"Hey Rabbit, we need you to help settle something for us. Jin here wants-"

Ragna stopped, noticing the three servants bending over and shaking the now asleep Rachel, while the sweet aroma of the tea wafted into the noses of the four guests. Upon smelling the tea, Litchi's face turned grim. She promptly went to check the tea and as she had suspected, it was ** that** tea. She had read about it in many of her medicine books before.

"What the hell? Why's that rabbit sleeping in the damn garden? Wake the hell up, we need to ask you something!"

"Heh, I never knew that that vampire was such a lazy snob, to sleep in her own garden.. "

"What are you both saying! Shouldn't you be more concerned about her instead of just commenting over there?" Noel shouted at the Jin and Ragna, before running over to check on Rachel.

"Valkenhayn, was Rachel drinking any of that tea before she passed out?" Litchi asked as she slowly rose.

" Yes, the Madam was indeed drinking some tea... But how did you know?"

"This is bad.." Litchi murmured softly to herself. "The tea that Rachel just drank, is made from an ancient plant. The tea made from that plant, if drunk, will first cause the drinker to fall into a short sleep. Following that, the drinker will start behaving abnormally. The effect lasts for about an hour and there's no way of telling what she'll do when she wakes up."

There was silence in the garden. Even Ragna, who would have normally cracked a half-assed comment, kept quiet.

Suddenly, Rachel's eyes shot open, she quickly glanced around and set her eyes on Noel. In an instant, she warped behind the girl and slammed her two small hands into Noel's chest..

"Aha! So I'm not the only one who hasn't got any boobs. Your even worse off then I am, as flat as an ironing board!"

Both Jin and Ragna began laughing hysterically. Rachel was so out of character, that they could not stop. Valkenhayn only stared at the spectacle before him, with eyes as wide as saucers.

Litchi, sensing danger, promptly made herself scarce.

At that moment, every switch in Noel's head flipped. This was it. The final straw.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH! WHY DOES EVERYONE MOCK MY CHEST! ITS NOT LIKE I WANTED TO HAVE SMALL BREASTS, YOU JERKS! I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU BASTARDS!"

Noel, now mentally unstable, pulled out Bolverk and started firing rounds randomly while screaming hysterically. After narrowly dodging the bullets, Jin barely managed to knock her out. Ragna however, was not so lucky. He suffered two bullet wounds on his arm and blood was slowly dripping onto the soft grass.

Rachel smelling the blood, pounced on Ragna and began licking and sucking at his arm.

"Mmm.. I haven't had blood in a LONG time. This is great stuff, get ready to be sucked dry, boy.." Rachel said in soft whispers.

" Get off me, you goddamn vampire! That's MY blood your sucking you stupid rabbit, now get the hell off me!"

Jin, seeing his brother being "assaulted", quickly drew out the Yukianesa and started slashing at Rachel, but with little effect.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING TO MY BROTHER, YOU BITCH? HE BELONGS TO ME AND ONLY ME! NOW GET OFF HIM, YOU BLOOD-SUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE!"

"Oh shut up and leave me alone, you annoying brat." Rachel spat, before pelting Jin with a barrage of Tiny Lobelias, while Jin charged at her with his Ice Car. While the two were fighting, Ragna, not wanting to be involved in the "crap" any longer, quickly made his escape.

After winning the mostly one-sided fight, Rachel turned her attention to Valkenhayn.

"Say, Valkenhayn, your always taking care of me right? And I've never really thanked you for your hard work.. So, how about I give you a little reward right now?" Rachel said in a seductive tone, while lifting the bottom of her dress, revealing her slender legs.

Valkenhayn could not believe his ears, his dreams were finally becoming a reality. The many years of holding his emotions back had finally paid off. Lady Luck was smiling on him today.

" Oh, Mistress, please do! You have absolutely no idea how long I've waited for you to say those words."

"..."

Rachel let go off her dress and started taking deep breaths.

"Is something the matter, Mistress?"

"Valkenhayn... The tea's effect has worn off."

"W..what.."

"I never knew you thought of me like that. Looks like I'm going to have to knock some sense into you, Valkenhayn." Rachel muttered in a dangerous tone.

"F..forgive me, Mistress I-"

Lightning struck, and soon, that quiet night, was filled with screams of agony.

***_Now, before you start criticizing this, let me say in my defense, that this was done in a very short amount of I wonder, should I have taken my time with this? Well, drop me a review, please. I really want to improve on this. _**

**_Until we meet again,_**

**_Kansou signing out._**


End file.
